I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
