bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
