I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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