the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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