I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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