My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
