I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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