i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
