I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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