Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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