So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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