I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
