I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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