I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
