So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
