Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
