This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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