hotel room ftw
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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