sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize