I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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