this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
