I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
