you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
