Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
