You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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