I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
