Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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