Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
