You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
