my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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