i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
