My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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