You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
there is glitter all over my balls
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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