roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
