we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
