I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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