Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize