This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
