You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
