I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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