I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
