so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
