My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
