i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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