Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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