Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
