he thought i was a dude.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
