i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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