You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
