yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
