I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
