I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
