I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
