your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize