Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
