grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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