Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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