Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize