then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
