there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
