I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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