sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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