I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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