hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
