he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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