i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Enjoy the penises
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
