i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
