Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
