T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
