I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
