Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
