i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
