So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
